“I’m doing the best that I can
I’m doing the best I ever did
Now go away”

Godsmack, Whatever, 1998

A wish I expressed in Last Days Of One Kind Of Life has come true — I’m listening to a lot more music than I have for the past several years. Since I don’t keep track of which songs contain adult-oriented words or themes, it was simply safer to rarely play what I wanted to listen to, until recently. Now, when I’m not hearing voices, I’m listening to music — either on my phone or via my PC. The PC’s speakers are surprisingly good and came with a subwoofer.

“If I don’t have music
Then I don’t have a chance
Cause everything is music
Everything is a dance
Set to a beat I can’t hear
And will never understand
Everything is tied together
But nothing is planned”

Wil C. Fry, The Music, 2018

For example: yesterday as I drove to the optometrist’s office (first time for me), I enjoyed the random way my phone’s music app (Pulsar) matched songs from widely varying genres. A song by Chris Taylor (Laughing At The Universe) was followed by Number Of The Beast by Iron Maiden, and then The Cure’s Friday I’m In Love and then Whatever by Godsmack (cited above). If an AI bot somewhere is collecting metrics on my tastes, it’s probably going mad. (Future topic: Can sentient robots go mad?)

After getting my eyes checked and ordering my first-ever pair of prescription glasses (“readers” only, for now), I was treated to Amy Winehouse and then Grand Funk Railroad — how did I miss the intense instrumental portion of Inside Looking Out all these years? — on the way to our CPA’s office. Just typing “our CPA’s office” made me feel more middle class than anything I’ve ever done before, including purchasing a house. As I painted this afternoon, finishing the last wall of the office, I was pepped up by Abba’s Take A Chance On Me and then I head-banged a little to AC-DC’s It’s A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock ‘n’ Roll). I marveled again at Glenn Kaiser’s guitar work in Resurrection Band’s White Noise — I have to ignore the lyrics in this one.

Something about me: Even though I know most lyrics are merely part of a commercial machine, I still look for — and often find — relevant meaning there. When Godsmack’s lyrics (above) played, I remember feeling as I felt when I first heard them, how I thought “That’s exactly what I feel right now.” And I felt that way again. But other lyrics provoke different emotions and thoughts each time I hear them.

“Bedraggled, bewildered, beat-up, burnt out
I’m nowhere near faith and I’m way beyond doubt
As I’m laughing at the universe”

Chris Taylor, Laughing At The Universe, 2013

I wonder which is a better lyric: the kind that can make you think or feel something different each time? Or the kind that can make you feel/think of the same thing each time?

“Don’t damn me
When I speak a piece of my mind
‘Cause silence isn’t golden
When I’m holding it inside
‘Cause I’ve been where I have been
And I’ve seen what I have seen
I put the pen to the paper
‘Cause it’s all a part of me”

Guns N’ Roses, Don’t Damn Me, 1991

I tried all the online streaming services I could find and ultimately found a reason to quit using each of them. I stuck with Google Play Music the longest, but couldn’t get over two huge (to me) issues: (1) the ads are invariably much louder than the songs I’m listening to, and (2) the algorithm invariably strays too far from the styles I had selected. So 95% of the time, I’m listening to my own collection.

“You said you thought I
Was the worst thing ever
If I was in the chair
You’d pull the lever
Then you ran away screaming
Good thing I was only dreaming”

Wil C. Fry, (unpublished draft), 2018

Then there’s this phenomenon: any time I’m not listening to music, but catch myself humming or whistling something, it’s always a religious song. Always. This is annoying as hell. People I used to know would say “The Lord is trying to reach you”, but I’m well aware it’s the result of hearing those hymns hundreds of times each during my most impressionable years. It’s very often The Old Rugged Cross, a song beloved by one of my grandfathers, but other hymns are floating around in my brain too.

“I got a long way to go before I reach the light of day
Monkey’s on my back I gotta find a better way”

Cinderella, The Last Mile, 1988

Another thing I often do when listening to music: I try to imagine the lyrics as a poem — just the text with no music. Most songs don’t stand up to this test. As an example, take these lyrics, from a song not in my collection: “Ooh, are you ready girls? / Ooh, are you ready now? / Ooh, yeah / Kickstart my heart / Give it a start / Ooh, yeah, baby / Ooh, yeah.” Just typing that made me sad. Not that every song has to have literary-quality lyrics; Green Onions doesn’t have any lyrics at all and works perfectly well. And there are some songs with fairly pointless lyrics that work well musically. For me, it’s better to have both.

“I wonder if we even know what’s at stake
And what kind of sound will a failing nation make?”

Wil C. Fry, For Every Baby Born, 2017

There isn’t a conclusion here; there were just a bunch of lyrics and related thoughts colliding in my head. I managed to slip in that bit about getting my eyes checked, which was a new experience for me. Don’t worry; I’ll post photos when my glasses are ready. And we got our taxes done, so... Yay, I guess.