Frustration jumps upon me, day after day, reminding me of how little skill I possess.
I am eternally made aware of my weaknesses, and upon these my senses rest.
Once, I knew I was smart enough to tackle anything life threw at me,
But now, all of my shortcomings and my lack of knowledge I see.
My closest friends cannot understand the loneliness and depression I feel.
For some reason, from the outside, they cannot see that it is very real.
They say there is no reason for me to be so downcast about my life,
But maybe they have never felt so unworthy of anything they tried.
Perhaps the goals I have set for myself are ridiculously high,
But as low goals are set, I feel they are too demeaning to try.
Either way, I come out of the struggle feeling as if I had lost.
I feel as if I had desecrated the blood shed on the cross.
The blood that was shed for me, to cleanse me from every shameful sin
Has now been mocked by my unfaitfulness, and my continual sin.
I state boldly to the face of God a pledge that I will always keep,
Then I, in my reprobate ways, throw it out within several weeks.
I tell the Lord how I will stand for Him, with His strength in me,
Then, before you blink, I have fallen, and am groveling on my knees.
The Lord continues to pour strength into my frail earthly body,
But I forget to thank Him, and soon after, I regretfully see.
Why can't I give Him the glory?
Why can't I be humble with His power?
Why can't I spread His Word like I promised?
Why can't I repress the sinful urges that I am plagued with?
Why did I have to be born into circumstances that demean me in every way?
Why am I a fool, when it comes to the ways of the Spirit?
Why am I a fool when I should be in the Spirit?
Why am I a fool?