“Ladies and Gentlemen... Are you feeling down about your lives? Is your gerbil’s secret life peeing in your Cheerios®? Are the fleas in your Koo-laid® continuing to drink it all up before you can say ‘Kurby-Lurby’?

“Well, I have the answer for you! The: ‘Super-Duper Pooper-Scooper-Holiday-Bash-Big-Fat-Smash Problem Gitter Ridder Of®’. With the push of a button, Les Guilliams will disappear! The cosmic mutant ninja space yuppies will leave your toilet bowl (even your toilet cup, and plate!)!! You will never have to worry about the next door neighbor’s cat sleeping under your back tire!! Hangovers? Forget it! Never ever have one again!!

“With the ‘Super-Duper Pooper-Scooper-Holiday-Bash-Big-Fat-Smash Problem Gitter Ridder Of®’, you will live a totally fulfilling and satisfying death. It works by a new scientifically advanced method of universe implosion. Scientists in the last universe proved it to be successful (Obviously).

“What would you expect to pay for this instrument of pure bliss? A hundred zillion dollars? Five hundred zillion dollars? A peso? Well, toooo bad, it’s not on sale!! Ha! Ha! You stupid avocado! You really thought we would sell it! What an asparagus! Only people like you can truly be classified as a ‘hairy Brazilian-Chilean-Turkish mustard seed tortoise shell’!!!”

See Ya!!