I live in a weird kind of house, made out of sand —
Some beach bum made it, shaping it with a beer can.
There’s not many rooms, ‘cause those are hard to make
But I have a big deck, where I get sun-baked
The foundation get weaker every time the Tide® comes in
Oh no! I think I steppt on a sofft spot agin!
Shells of sea animals encrusted in the walls
I only live there, ‘cause I’m so infinitesimally small
    (“about an inch tall, I think”)
One day, a kid came to play, but he had evil ways
So I said, “You should be dead,” and threw sand at his head.
He got mad, and urinated on the castle, leaving it in ruins
I said, “what a weeny-brain; his urine tastes like prunes.”
This seriously offended the wee little children childe,
and his actions deviated to the utterly wild.
Clutching a minnow by the tail, he swung with all his mite
But I am a strong midget, and put up a fight
    (“about an inch tall, I think”)
The minnow landed on my head, very hard indeed
It left me quite dead, what more could I need.
Consequently, I presumptuously gave up the Ghost,
But when the kid saw it, he was scared the most
He ran so fast, his baggy swimsuit fell off
Leaving me with a terrific, gagging cough
“What a waste,” I thought as I lay there, sighing
“I’m dead now, and I have nothing to show for trying.”
    (“about an inch tall, I think”)
    (“I caught a cricket once”)
    (“Elvis, she’s alive”)
    (“Behold”)
    (“Ahh...”)
    (“Amen”)
Since that time, I haven’t lived my life again
I just lie there, dead, wishing I could break that kid’s shin
What a dork, to be prejudiced against a wuss like me
Then to destroy my castle in a raging torrent of pee.
I should have thrown sand in his eyes when I had a chance
Now I’ll spend eternity, doing the Thousand Island Dressing Dance.
Urination, sublimation, inflation, suffocation
electricity-fication, impregnation, population, flagellation
    (“Elvis, she’s alive”)
    (“What, are you serious?”)
    (“Of course, you dingleberry, she gave me surfing lessons”)
    (“Well, she gave me singing lessons”)
    (“Crap! I don’t ever want to hear you sing”)
    (“Oh, Pooh-Pooh, [and not Winnie, either]”)