His hardened combat boots crunched through the melting snow as he walked through the smoking battleground. War had become complicated, since both sides had invented ‘weather machines’, but neither side had a defense against it. He shivered with the cold, as he looked out across the Sahara. A few hundred yards to the left, he could see a small thunderstorm flooding that area.
    Suddenly, a beam of raging sunlight hit the ground around him, and the snow immediately turned to steam, which boiled up all around him. Very quickly, it became hot and dry, and he wished he had saved some of his snow. He pulled out his mini-weather machine, known as a MiWeM, and let it rain over his head. Weirdly, because one weather machine couldn’t cancel out another, it both rained and shined above him, so he was hot and wet.
    An F-17 ‘Beetle’ fighter flew overhead, unleashing a torrent of sleet onto his head. To combat this, he aimed a sun ray into the pilot’s eyes, causing him to lose control long enough to crash.
    A tank pulled up onto the top of a grassy knoll nearby (plants had sprung up in the desert, after the ‘Weather Wars’ began), and began blowing wind all around him, along with hail, and rain.
    He (whose name was Georgie Porgie) decided he could take no more and pulled out his suicide pill-box. When he opened it, the suicide pill was gone and another, different pill filled its place. A note next to the pill said, ‘Never take this Pill. It was a mistake, and we put it in here because we knew you would never use it.’
    Georgie popped the pill into his mouth, washing it down with some rainwater.
    Suddenly, a piece of the material with which the Universe was made ripped open beside him, revealing a tear in the fabric of the known universe. To escape his dangerous situation, Georgie dove into the hole.
—————————​—Gormant——pLeeGH———
Jepertrozmm—————​———Exoxeur———FsloQue
———————————​————————————
    ↑ These are the thoughts that went through Georgie Porgie’s mind at that moment. Needful to say, he was a lot confused. He was standing on the wall of a gymnasium, watching 400 little green beans play a game he knew to be called ‘Finky-Quarz’. He yelled ‘Can i play?!’ The Lead Green Bean yelled back, ‘Only if you pay the membership. The price is six Indonesian-Polynesian Iguanas.’
    Happily, Georgie tossed the six animals out of his back pocket, noticing to his surprise that he had back pockets, although he knew that any Finn worth his fjords would have six Indonesian-Polynesian Iguanas in his back pocket, if indeed, he had one. The sad thing was, he couldn’t play, because the game was on the floor, and every time he tried to step onto the floor, he would fall exultantly onto the wall again.
    Georgie began to cry, but Lo and BeHold, a woman appeared unto him, and said, ‘I am your fairy godgrandmother, and i am here to help you.’ She looked to be perhaps 412 years 6 months and 17 days old, plus or minus a year or so. She was very frail, and her skin was as paper that has been through the washing machine in your pants pocket.
    He replied, ‘i want to go back to the real world, where my house and wife and gerbils are,’ while wiping his tears off his bony cheek.
    ‘What do you mean,’ she asked — being very impolite, because her cane was planted firmly on his foot.
    He explained his problem carefully, and she listened impatiently, looking as if she was about to mysteriously change into a male beetle. She said, when he was quite finished, ‘What on Plheegalagey do you mean, young boy?’
    ‘Dang it!’ He sputtered, seizurely, ‘i came from earth, and i want to go back! Now!’
    She said, ‘Dear boy,’ (in a cackling voice) ‘there is no place such as you call “Urth.” i don’t know what you have been taking, but i have some pills here—’
    ‘No!’ screamed Georgie, foaming at the mouth, ‘No more pills! My mother said not to ever do it. Get me out.’ A piece of the foam from his mouth fell to the floor, where the green-beans were playing and one of the beanies ate the foam and he died so the rest of the beans pulled out their slingshots and shot Georgie and the fairy God-grandmother. The dead green bean sat up and said, ‘I caught a cricket once.’
(THE END)