I jest wanted ta call and say...
Did I ever tell ya I was gay?
I know it must hurt ya ta know... Oh!
But I can tell you what hurt feels like
My very last girlfriend says she's a dyke
And my new boyfriend left me for a guy named Joe... Oh!
(chorus)
This alternative lifestyle ain't all it's cracked up ta be
I loved a man, but he said that he didn't love me
What will it take for a f**got like me to see...
I need him now, but he doesn't need me
He borrowed my truck, and all my cash
Never gave them back, so I got smashed
Now what do I do, and where do I go... Oh!
But I'll get over it, I always do
And I never loved a man like I loved you
Why aren't you here when I'm feeling so LOW... Oh!
(repeat chorus)
Found Sept. 2014 in a 1997 letter to A.L.A. A note in the letter says "no pun intended" for the word "cracked" in the first line of the chorus. The letter also indicates it should be sung to country music. I wrote it in response to someone complaining that their cousin was gay.