I’ve heard this question asked, by quite a few
I may have even heard it right from you
And you always ask it so very strong
Say sarcastic, “Why can’t we get along?”
At the risk of making you want to die
I guess I will finally tell you why
First of all, you drive like a maniac
You pass in the slow lane, then you pull back
And on top of that, you are blowing smoke
Making it hard to breathe for other folks
And you think ev’ryone should dress like you
Making fun of things other people do
And when we talk, you don’t ever listen
Keep on talking, even when I’m pissing
You don’t shut up, and you repeat yourself
‘Til I’d rather hear a song in a belch
And you make things up, when you need a fact
You talk about people behind their backs
You can’t clean up, when you make a big mess
You always sin, but you never confess
You take advantage, since I’m a nice guy
I hide my money, and you wonder why
You’re sleeping on my couch, and, yes, you snore
You have any sleeping pills? I need more
You take an hour in the bathroom, most times
All the while, my face is growing more lines
And think: who’s the person cleaning your spills?
And you don’t understand my gripes ‘bout bills
You like cold in summer, heat in winter
No “in between”; no wonder I’m bitter
Your job is customer service, I think
But I’m a customer — I think you stink
I speak clear — you don’t hear the words I say
And your line is long all hours of the day
At work, I sweat — do what I have to do
Then learn I have to do your work for you
I’m sure I could go on for hours, you know
I’d really like to tell you where to go
If I want, I could get bent out of joint
But you still will not get the f**king point
Just let me say that I’ve bent back for you
I’ve bankrupted myself to get you through
But all I do will never be enough
And I will never get over this stuff
Besides, this little rant has gone on too long
And now you know why we can’t get along.