Thank God

Thank God for freedom!
Each day, I see all that I’m free to do
Free to drive as slow as the law will allow
And to give the government my money without my permission
Free to plant a tree
I’m free to own a gun as long as I don’t keep it loaded, or take it anywhere
Or shoot it
And thank God for privacy!
I have the right for anyone in the world to have
My phone number and mailing address
And the right to have the police search my person or home or computer
Whenever they get an itch
Ain’t it a bitch?
And thank God for democracy!
The wonderful system by which none of us actually votes for president
And under which we can only vote for one of two rotten choices
Why give us a choice at all, you silly bastards?
And thank God for public schools!
Where each and every individual child can receive a quality drug search
Where you can learn all about propaganda and why it’s right for you
Where you can easily learn to get pregnant so the hard workers
Can pay for the rest of your life
And thank God for television!
Where you can receive just enough news to be more ignorant than before
And by which you can increase your level of intelligence to that of a toad
And where you can finally, after years of searching,
Begin to think what the System wants you to think
And thank God for love!
Without which there would be no misery
Without which there would be no heartbreak or loneliness
Ah, Love! Such a good reason to get drunk and shoot a man
Because he bumped into your woman
Or to beat your woman because she didn’t cook it just right
Yes, thank God for all of these things.
Don’t take me wrong. I’m not trying to be sarcastic
Because if for none of these things, then we might be happy.