(The following is the original text of my 2020.11.09 blog entry, with its original title. Is It Truly Time For Empathy And Reconciliation? 2020.11.09 First, A Personal Anecdote In 1999, my roommate’s friend (let’s call her Jen) noticed I had a particular movie on VHS and asked to borrow it. I agreed. A week or two later, Jen saw me, remembered she’d borrowed the movie, and said she’d return it very soon. Another week passed, I asked about it, and she said she thought she’d returned it. She would look for it. A bit later, my roommate visited Jen’s house and saw my tape on the floor, damaged and without the cover. Some time passed, Jen asked to borrow another movie, and I said no. I wasn’t rude or vindictive in tone; I simply reminded her of the previous incident. Naturally, she was upset. “It’s just a movie”, she said. “I can’t believe you’re still mad about that.” But I wasn’t angry; I simply didn’t trust her with my stuff. What I wanted, but didn’t say (because I thought it was obvious), was for her to apologize for the first incident, repay me for my loss, and at least pretend to feel bad about it. She didn’t, and that was the end of that. This anecdote isn’t perfect for the analogy I need it to work in, but it has the benefits of (1) being entirely true and (2) it at least partially describes how I view the responsibilities of various parties when it comes to division, forgiveness, and reconciliation. ‘Reach Out’ The reason I wanted an analogy about division and reconciliation is that on Nov. 7, 2020 — not long after the Associated Press called the election for Joe Biden — I suddenly began seeing a lot of requests from various politicians, influencers, talking heads, and others — requests for empathy for GOP voters, putting aside our partisan bickering, learning to work with “the other side”, and so on. For example, ABC journalist Steve Osunsami tweeted: “If you’re celebrating, remember that you have friends who feel like you did in 2016.” Political scientist Ian Bremmer said “Now is the time for every Biden supporter to reach out to one person who voted for Trump. Empathize with them. Tell them you know how they feel (you do, from 2016). Come up with one issue you can agree on.” Former Ohio governor and pretend-moderate John Kasich begged: “Now is the time for Democrats ... to begin to listen to what the other half of the country has to say.” (And even earlier, Kasich implored: “Whoever wins needs to listen to the concerns of the other party’s voters if we hope to begin healing.”) Former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice waited until Sunday to add: “Now, let’s come together for the common good with empathy and respect for each other.” A More Current Anecdote In the midst of the mild afterglow of learning Biden had indeed won, my wife sent me to the supermarket (still Nov. 7). On the way, I stopped at a traffic light and saw a familiar bumper sticker just in front of me, one I’ve seen dozens of times this year. It said: “Trump-Pence 2020 : Making Liberals Cry Again”. Also on the same vehicle was a sticker with an outline a firearm (which I believe to be an AR-15) and the words “Come And Take It”. I was reminded of the “Trump 2020: Fuck Your Feelings” T-shirts I’ve seen (and which are still for sale at Walmart) — they’re everywhere. And I was reminded of the “Rope. Tree. Journalist. Some Assembly Required” shirts seen at TAINTUS rallies. (Walmart apparently doesn’t carry those anymore, but other sites do.) I couldn’t help but think of the calls for empathy, listening to the other side, and crossing the aisle to work together. And I wondered whether the “fuck your feelings” folks were ready for that. ‘A Time To Heal’ That evening, we remembered that our Roku device allows us to watch some live TV, so the whole familiy sat down at 19:00 to watch Kamala Harris and Joe Biden deliver their victory speeches. It was more brief and more pleasant than I expected, and I couldn’t find a single fault in the Harris speech. Biden’s speech wasn’t horrible either, but one part was troubling, in the light of everything I’ve mentioned above: “But now, let’s give each other a chance. It’s time to put away the harsh rhetoric. To lower the temperature. To see each other again. To listen to each other again. To make progress, we must stop treating our opponents as our enemy. We are not enemies. We are Americans... This is the time to heal in America... “Let this grim era of demonization in America begin to end — here and now. The refusal of Democrats and Republicans to cooperate with one another is not due to some mysterious force beyond our control. It’s a decision. It’s a choice we make. And if we can decide not to cooperate, then we can decide to cooperate. And I believe that this is part of the mandate from the American people. They want us to cooperate. That’s the choice I’ll make. And I call on the Congress — Democrats and Republicans alike — to make that choice with me.” -- Joe Biden, 2020.11.07 Without context, yes, all that’s fine. I heartily agree, and fervently wish that we as a country could cooperate, make progress, and not be enemies internally. But there is context, isn’t there? The Imperfect Analogy Now I’ll circle back to my anecdote. You can already see what I meant about the analogy being imperfect. “Jen” is roughly a stand-in here for “the other side” in politics, and my VHS cassette is the country. Or something. And now that I’ve worked hard enough to obtain another copy of the VHS movie, I’m supposed to seek Jen out, try to make her feel better, and lend it to her again? See, what Jen should have done was: (1) immediately tell me my movie was damaged, (2) apologize, and (3) offer to pay for it. I would have refused the money (though I lived in poverty at the time), and thanked her for telling me. I know this, because similar scenarios played out with other people throughout my life. Because that’s how reconciliation works: the person who did the wrong takes the first step. Then the ball is in the court of the wronged person — who might or might not choose to forgive and forget. You can’t let a bygone be a bygone if it’s still unresolved, because that means it isn’t gone yet. Especially if, instead of a $20 VHS cassette, we’re talking about an entire nation. How To Seek Reconciliation The truly obvious first step to seeking reconciliation is to stop doing the thing that caused the break in the first place. Even abusers know this. “That was me then, honey; I’m a changed man now!” Other steps include making apologies, offering reparations, being clear that one understands the harm they’ve done — but none of that matters if the first step hasn’t happened. The GOP president is currently (as I finish this entry two days after the election was called) calling reputable journalists “fake news”, claiming without evidence that the election was rigged, all while hiding in a walled-off compound and refusing to allow the Biden transition team any access. A number of top-ranking GOP offials are supporting these paranoid delusions. The GOP administration is currently ignoring pandemic safety guidelines and continuing to spread the virus among its own members while doing nothing about the wider pandemic either. The children separated from their families by the GOP’s cruel and inhumane policies are currently still separated from their families (and the ones who were eventually reunited are still suffering the trauma). Republicans are still trying to strip millions of healthcare, and still haven’t revealed their replacement healthcare plan, promised in July, which was supposed to be “terrific” and “great”. The Muslim ban is still in effect. The GOP’s harmful transphobic policies are still in effect. The U.S. is still not a part of the most important climate accords in history, as climate change continues toward the point of no return. We’re still on track to exit the World Health Organization. And much, much more. See? The harm is still ongoing. No attempt has been made by the GOP to reverse course, express remorse, apologize, or even ask for forgiveness or empathy. They certainly haven’t made any moves to undo the damage they’ve caused. Individual Voters, Though? Regardless of attempts — by people who otherwise agree with me on nearly everything — to lump all GOP voters and all conservatives and all white supremacists into one big circle of an oversimplified Venn diagram, I recognize that they’re not all the exact same group. There is variation. There are those who once supported GOP policies or the general conservative agenda — either from indoctrination or misinformation or some personal flaw — who have since had a change of heart, or are currently undergoing said change. Good for them! I applaud that. I welcome them to the path of becoming a better person. It’s hard work, and I’m still figuring it out for myself. Let’s talk. I empathize with you, I truly do. I know the pain and frustration of unlearning the tainted talking points like “abortion is murder” or “being gay is a sin” or “liberals are attacking Christianity” or “the science on climate change is inconclusive”. When that’s all you know, stepping into the wider world is scary and confusing. But for the people still damaging the VHS, still claiming they can’t find it, and still asking to borrow another one, all the while feeling no remorse or even introspection about what they’ve already done? I can’t be convinced that any responsibility for that reconciliation rests on me. The Real Kicker There’s another level to consider, too, and this one can’t be squeezed into an analogy about a borrowed VHS cassette: Individual GOP voters didn’t actually lose. Yes, I realize their preferred candidate lost the election (and hopefully some of their senators, etc. did too). But when it comes to real-life effects, they stand to gain as much as the rest of us. This isn’t difficult to figure out; it’s just not something people are talking about so it gets ignored. But none of the DNC platform involves taking away any rights or opportunities from anyone, certainly not based on politics or identity. The Biden administration isn’t going to ban Christians (he’s a practicing Christian). No elected Democrat supports arbitrarily revoking the status of white immigrants or banning immigration from majority-Christian countries. Biden isn’t going to encourage police brutality against white people or allow adoption agencies to discriminate against straight couples. None of the incoming Democrats are going to force you to be gay, convert to Satanism, or study to become an abortion provider. Combatting the climate crisis helps everyone. Winding down the Covid-19 pandemic will be good for everyone. Making healthcare more affordable and accessible helps everyone. Improving the criminal justice system helps everyone. Expanding and protecting voting rights is good for voters of all stripes. I don’t actually expect many successes on the progressive front (because the bulk of the Democratic Party leans heavily toward the center), but any success we do see will be a win for all U.S. citizens, even conservatives. Conclusion In short, I’m happy to reach out to anyone truly ready for reconciliation, but not to anyone still in favor of the dumpster fire that was the past four years. Regardless, every policy position I favor, if enacted, would help conservatives as much as they’ll help me. And that’s by design.